The last few years just seemed to be filled with sadness & both our mental health was massively suffering. We needed time off, just for a little bit. Obviously everything we had been through was still at the back our minds and that yearning for a baby was still there, but we had to park it to the side for a bit.
Our wedding was our day to celebrate us & nothing else. We wanted a massive party & to celebrate the one thing we did have which was each other & our family. I know a few people that have dedicated something on their wedding day to the babies that should have been & I was in 2 minds whether to do it. But I know I'd just see it as a reminder & I would just feel so sad, so we decided against it. I just concentrated on marrying the love of my life.
There were quite a few tough decisions to make for my wedding, thankfully a lot of people did the deciding for me really. There were people who I have loved all my life who ignored me & others that tried to blackmail me into inviting people I hadn't even spoken to in years. The emotional turmoil we have faced makes my tolerance for bullsh*t non existent, which is actually quite refreshing. Negativity is not welcome, we had enough going on. And this made such a beautiful wedding day filled with love & laughter. It was one of the best days of my life & I'll treasure it forever.
Just before our wedding, we had received a letter from Tommy's confirming an appointment in March with Professor Quenby. At 1st thoughts I was quite upset that it was so long away (letter received in November), but the more I thought about it, the more I realised we really needed this break.
After the wedding came Christmas, which is always a big trigger. I absolutely love Christmas, its my favourite time of year. But not having our own little family when we should have had one, just put so much sadness into it. I really wanted to see our children's faces excited that Santa had been and experiencing all that Christmas magic together. Thankfully, I had plenty of wedding photos to keep looking at & reminisce about that wonderful day. But really, I just wanted Christmas over & done with so we could get away on our honeymoon.
January finally came, as did our honeymoon. We were off to Disneyworld in Florida & Antigua after that. We had such an amazing time. We laughed & laughed & laughed. We just went mad & had so much fun. We ate all the naughty food you could get & enjoyed the sun. We also had quite a few drinks.....especially in Antigua & let our hair down. I think it helped that we went to an adults only resort in Antigua. I thought Disney might have been a trigger & there were a couple of little moments but we were so busy having fun, those moments were only fleeting. We kept saying we would come back in 10 years for our Anniversary and bring our children. Think our appointment coming through allowed for optimism again.
We came home feeling fully refreshed & clear minded. We were now ready for hopefully some answers & a game plan.
